Posted in #BookTours

Pity Prank

Pity Prank
Whitney Dineen
(Pity Series)
Publication date: March 30th 2026
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary, Romance

What happens when a quirkier than normal girl meets a hunky doctor from New York?

It’s not that I have subpar intelligence, or that I’m a total weirdo. In fact, I would consider myself kind, creative, and an all-in-all great catch—if you can get past a few peculiarities.

I love soft things. ALL soft things, and I surround myself with them to help self-sooth my way through the day. I have very particular opinions about sand, aluminum foil, and gum snappers. You wouldn’t believe how many men find this odd. In short, being on the spectrum has not exactly done wonders for my love life.

Enter Dr. Thomas Culpepper. Never in a million years would I have predicted someone like him would move to tiny little Elk Lake, Wisconsin. Then he gets sent to my photography studio to have his picture taken. I misunderstood the assignment, and instead of taking a boring old headshot like the hospital wanted, I forced him to take sexy pirate photos.

As far as meet cutes go, it was awkward. I won’t even mention the baby oil …

Pity Prank is a laugh-out-loud, small town romantic comedy featuring misunderstandings galore, a tiny bit of fake dating, a lot of fuzzy sweaters and socks, and oh, yeah, some sexy pirate photos.

Perfect for fans of Hallmark vibes. Book eight in a feel-good series of standalones.

*** For fans of The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

Goodreads / Amazon

EXCERPT:

Finley

As soon as I enter, I notice a man sitting on one of the two overstuffed shabby chic chairs by the window. He looks up and makes direct eye contact which causes every thought in my brain to pour out like sand in a sieve. Holy. Hot stuff. Batman. This man is extraordinarily handsome, but his appeal is more than just physical. He emanates a kind of golden energy that’s positively intoxicating.

“Hi there.” As soon as he stands up, I can feel the room start to sway. I stagger to the counter, so I don’t fall over. He’s well over six feet and from what I can tell he’s built like he spends hours at the gym every day.

“H…h…hi, yourself. Thomas Culpepper?” I ask, both hoping he is and isn’t at the same time. How in the world will I be able to take sexy pictures of this man and keep my wits about me? I can’t even look at him fully clothed without stuttering.

“That’s me.” He flashes a brilliant smile which makes me wonder if he’s ever starred in toothpaste commercials. His hair is the softest looking wavy chocolate brown I’ve ever seen. My hand lifts of its own accord like it’s trying to reach out and touch it. Which of course I know I can’t do. At least until it’s time for me to style his hair for the shoot. I practically drool at the thought.

Thomas looks at my hand suspended in mid-air before copying the gesture and waving at me. “He-llo.” He breaks the word into two syllables like I’m new to the English language and might not understand otherwise.

I drop my hand immediately and try to regain my composure. “Constance is very excited about these shots.”

“Really?” He looks confused, like he doesn’t know who I’m talking about.

“Really,” I assure him. “She’s ordered the basic package to start but if she likes what she sees…” In lieu of finishing my sentence, I give him an exaggerated wink.

“I didn’t realize this was such a big deal to her,” he says. I wonder if I got it wrong and they aren’t a couple? Darn it, that’s the thing with me, I have an awful time reading people.

“Oh, it’s a very big deal.”

Thomas’s hazel eyes narrow in confusion before he bends down to pick up the bag he brought with him. “I brought some different shirts.”

“Oh, we won’t need shirts.” There’s no way, I’m covering up this man in unnecessary clothing. No way. Unless of course it’s a pirate shirt, wide open, and billowing in the wind. Lucky for him, I have such an item in my costume collection.

Thomas’s gorgeous brow furrows, drawing my attention to the golden flecks in his eyes. “I brought a doctor’s coat too, if you prefer that.”

“A doctor’s coat?” I love the idea of turning him into a sexy doctor. It’s decided then, we’ll do a pirate look and a doctor one. Constance is going to love these.

Motioning to Thomas, I tell him, “Follow me into the backroom and you can get ready there.”

As he approaches, I inhale his spicy aftershave. Cloves, cinnamon, and orange, oh my! “You smell great.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. That’s another fun thing about me, I don’t always think before speaking, which can sometimes make other people uncomfortable. Like the time I told a woman in the grocery store that her pants made her butt look amazing. While meant as a compliment, it was clear she wasn’t used to such a forthright comment from a stranger. I figured that out when she walked out of the store, leaving a full cart behind.

The last thing I want to do is make Thomas nervous, so I hurry to tell him, “You smell like my favorite Christmas cookies.”

“Huh. I’ve never heard that one before.”

“It’s a compliment of the highest order,” I assure him. “My mom makes the best orange spice shortbread you’ve ever tried.” Just when I think I’ve saved the moment from getting too awkward, I groan suggestively and declare, “Yummy!” Thomas’s eyes pop open wider in an expression I once again worry is fear.

The backroom of my store is one big unfinished space with a variety of backdrops scattered about. I point toward the barber-style chair in front of a big lighted mirror in the corner and tell him, “Let’s start there. I’ll get your hair and makeup done first and then we’ll settle on wardrobe.”

“Hair and makeup?”

“Yeah, you know, so we can get the look we’re after.”

“I thought I was okay the way I am.”

“You’re fantastic,” I assure him. “Really great! But I want to make sure we capture your character to the fullest.”

“I’m a doctor,” he tells me. I’m starting to think Thomas might be the one new to the English language.

“Doctor, pirate, sexy duke with a superiority complex… you can be anything you want and I’m here to make that happen.”

Thomas sits down in the makeup chair looking highly uneasy. “I really am a doctor.” Then he asks, “Do you get a lot of pirates and nobility in here?”

“Tons,” I assure him.

Thomas sits down with the same amount of enthusiasm he might have knowing he was about to be electrocuted. “I’m pretty sure I don’t need hair and makeup,” he says again.

“I’m not putting lipstick on you, Thomas.” Picking up a bronzing palate, I tell him, “Just a bit of contrast to sharpen your angles.”

“Why exactly do I need sharper angles?” How is it possible that he’s even sexy when he’s acting stupid?

Turning to look him square in the eye, I ask, “Why do you think you’re here?”

“I’m here to get my picture taken for …”

“Constance,” I finish his sentence for him. “You’re here for Constance. And you want to make her happy, don’t you?”

“I… suppose?” He isn’t selling it.

“You suppose? She’s paid me four hundred dollars to take very specific pictures of you and that is exactly what I’m going to do. Do you understand?” He nods his head almost imperceptibly, so I tell him, “This is my job, Thomas. My job. It’s what I do for a living. It’s how I pay my bills.”

“Yes, but…”

“Constance came in here herself to tell me what she wants, and as she is my client. I’m not going to let her down.”

Thomas sits as still as a statue while I brush bronzer on his cheeks and jaw. By the time I’m done with him, he could have posed for a Michelangelo statue of a Greek god. I can’t take all the credit for that though; he practically is one on his own.

Once I’m convinced his face couldn’t look any better, I put the makeup brush down and face my model once again. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. After turning the chair so his back faces the mirror, I lift my hands and run all ten of my fingers through his hair. Holy heck. It’s even softer than it looks. It’s better than all my furry sweaters combined. It’s like running my hands through a litter of baby minks. It’s softer than the Barefoot blanket I spent way too much money on. But only because it lost some of its softness after being washed. Until then, it was worth ten times as much.

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is to rub Thomas Culpepper’s head every day of my life until I die.

Reluctantly, I remind myself that Thomas is Constance’s boyfriend, not mine. Yet I don’t understand how that can be because this man is so vital and alive. Constance has the warmth of a vampire bat in winter. But they got together somehow and now it’s my job to give my client the best fantasy material I can.

She never has to know it’s doing the same for me.

Author Bio:

Whitney loves to laugh, play with her kids, bake, and eat french fries — not always in that order.

Whitney is a multi-award-winning author of romcoms, non-fiction humor, and middle reader fiction. Basically, she writes whatever the voices in her head tell her to.

She lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband, Jimmy, where they raise children, chickens, and organic vegetables.

Gold Medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2017.

Silver medal winner at the International Readers’ Favorite Awards, 2015, 2016.

Finalist RONE Awards, 2016.

Finalist at the IRFA 2016, 2017.

Finalist at the Book Excellence Awards, 2017

Finalist Top Shelf Indie Book Awards, 2017

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Instagram / X


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Posted in #BookTours

Vamps and Vendettas


🦇📚 Magic happens and sparks fly in the small town of Havers-By-the-Sea when a sharp-tongued vampire crosses paths with a broody gargoyle. 🦇📚


Vamps and Vendettas

Star-Crossed Chronicles Book 3

by AK Nevermore

Genre: Spicy Small Town Paranormal Romance




Karma sucks.

Ophelia Diamondé never asked to be summoned to Havers-by-the-Sea, but when the node makes her an offer she can’t refuse, she officially becomes stuck representing the crappy little town. Having to clean up their messy legal issues isn’t what she wants to be doing, but anything’s better than being returned to the vampire court’s clutches—or at least she thought so before she met the opposing counsel.

Gideon Sperry isn’t known for his patience or his giving nature, but he is one hell of a lawyer. Unfortunately, all that goes out the window when Ophelia shows up, and the lawsuit between Havers and Fayet becomes personal.

But the facts aren’t adding up. When it becomes clear that karma’s had a hand in bringing them together, they need to find a way to build a case against who’s really at fault for the turbine debacle. If they can’t, it’s not just the town itself that’s in danger, but every resident’s very lifeblood.

Magic happens and sparks fly in the small town of Havers-By-the-Sea when a sharp-tongued vampire crosses paths with a broody gargoyle. VAMPS AND VENDETTAS, a spicy slow burn paranormal romance novel in the Star-Crossed Chronicles series by AK Nevermore.

 

🦇📚 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄𝐒 📚🦇
Sassy Vampire FMC
Overprotective Gargoyle MMC
He Falls First
Hidden Powers
Loads of Snarky Banter
Touch-Her-and-Die
Forced Allies
Dark Secret
Second Chance Romance
Slow Burn
Small Town

💋 𝑺𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥 = 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
Explicit Scenes ~ Very Hot

  

Amazon * Bookbub * Goodreads






Prologue


Greenthorn Indoctrination Center, Vampire Tribal Lands


Ophelia sat on a hard plastic chair, clenching a mangled pamphlet between her sweaty palms. The silence in the stark, cream and beige waiting room was beyond oppressive. Shed been there since six that morning, and the hour hand on the clock above the frosted glass door had made almost a full circuit.

She riffled her hair. The wait was fucking ridiculous. What the hell was going on back there? All her forms had been completed, every legal requirement satisfied. She’d even taken the intro course to their bullshit religious instruction and been blessed by one of their preoti. This part should’ve gone faster, especially after her more-than-generous donation to the cause.

Fucking bloodsuckers.

God, she just wanted to burst through that stupid door and get this over with. Damn it. No. Breathe. She struggled to bite back her temper. Be contrite, Phe. Try to channel fucking worthiness. She snorted. Like that was hard. She was a hell of a lot farther up the food chain than the rest of the losers that’d shown up to volunteer.

Throughout the day, seats filled with indigents and the dying had slowly emptied to the right and left of her until only herself and two other people were in the room.

One of them was laid out on a hospital gurney. Bags of saline and lord knew what else hung from an IV stand beside him. The other, a woman and presumably the infirm man’s caregiver, slowly flicked through her tablet. By the way she was chewing her lower lip and shifting in her seat, whatever she was reading was juicy.

Ophelia scowled, hooking the long, jagged bangs of her pixie cut behind an ear. What the woman should be doing was reading up on how to properly care for the soon-to-be-corpse’s colostomy. Even across the room, the stench of shit was eye-watering.

What a cunty little campfire scout, all prepared for the wait. Ophelia flicked her nails and picked at the black gel tips, begrudgingly admitting that she’d been too confident she’d be one of the first volunteers called and hadn’t thought about how to pass the time. Normys looking to join the vampiric tribes and subscribe to their fucked-up religion were usually either vagrants, on death’s door, or some special kind of desperate.

Ophelia was a very healthy twenty-nine, a rising star in the litigation world, and fell squarely into the last category.

She was also positive that her soon-to-be-husband would completely lose his shit if he knew she was here, and every second that ticked past increased the probability of him figuring out where she was. Ophelia wiped her sweaty palms against her thighs, all too clearly imagining him bursting through the door, full-on gargoyle.

Her eyes flicked to the clock. These assholes needed to hurry the fuck up.

The bullshit work conference she’d invented wasn’t going to hold up to close scrutiny, but it was the best she could do on short notice. The approval for her to join the tribes had come through almost immediately, and she needed that goddamned virus.

She slowly exhaled and flipped open the mangled pamphlet for the umpteenth time, smoothing it over her bespoke, tailored slacks, glad her phone had died after the first few hours, nixing any temptation to call Deo and come clean about what she was doing.

Fuck around and find out never went over well with him, but that—and his abs—were one of the many reasons she was head over heels for the guy. No one else had ever cared enough to call her on her shit. She chewed a nail, knowing exactly what he would say about all this, but screw him. He wouldn’t understand. How could he? He was a supe and she wasn’t. This needed to happen. She could feel it in her bones. It was the next step.

She couldn’t lose him, couldn’t think about him with someone else after the fact, and her mortality guaranteed that was gonna happen.

Yeah, over her undead body.

Her gaze dropped to the pamphlet. Rereading it was stupid. At this point, she could recite it verbatim.

“Vampirism is a sacred gift.”

Ophelia didn’t quite snort, but damn, that line got her every time. Bit of a stretch there. Though, she had to admit, the tribes had a killer marketing team. She did snort at that, running a hand over her face. God, she’d been here too long, but Vampiric Syndrome wasn’t a gift, sacred or otherwise. It was caused by a virus carried by gravers, a rare species of centipede from the eastern continent that fed on dead bodies.

Gotta love nature, right? Gross, but nothing special. Well, unless they chowed down on someone that hadn’t quite passed into the hereafter. That was unfortunate, and probably unpleasant if said undead were a supe, but if one had the questionable honor of being born a normy like her?

Hello, vampire.

Ophelia put a hand to her churning stomach. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to ingesting one of the fucking things, but if the Victorians could down tapeworms to drop a pound or seventeen, how bad could this be? Granted, tapeworms didn’t have twelve rows of razor-sharp teeth, but…

Fucking A. Who was she trying to kid? It was gonna be horrible.

God, stop being such a pussy. To be with Deo forever, she’d chase the fucking thing with a shot of broken glass if that’s what it took.

Ophelia blew out her cheeks and slumped, her tailbone throbbing from the hard plastic. It was a serious bummer she’d been inoculated for Vampiric Syndrome as a kid. Before the Purge, all you had to do was bang someone already infected to contract VS.

Which was what had kicked off the Purge, the development of the vaccine, was the reason all corpses were now cremated, and a whole host of other shit.

Including the tribes’ need for volunteers to maintain their population.

A shadow moved behind the frosted glass. Ophelia sat up as a brunette vamp with a severe bun and a nurse’s uniform straight out of the 1940s pushed through with a clipboard. A name tag at her breast read “Crake,” and the tatuaj around her eyes radiated to her temples like a spider’s web. The markings looked like a tattoo but weren’t. It was how the virus presented itself and was the basis for their fucked-up caste system.

“Ms. Diamondé?

It was about goddamn time. “Here,” Ophelia said, raising a finger before she stood. She wiped her palms on her slacks and grabbed her purse.

Nurse Crake tongued her cheek, her unnaturally red lips pressed together. She looked Ophelia up and down before checking off something on her clipboard and gesturing for her to follow.

The hallway beyond was as stark as the waiting room had been. White walls, sanitary molding, doors with stainless steel kickplates. All of those had bars dropped across them, moans and thumps coming from within. One of the long fluorescent bulbs flickered above.

“Birthdate?” the nurse asked, her dark eyes on the clipboard.

Something hit one of the doors as they passed, and Ophelia adjusted her purse higher onto her shoulder. “Uh, November third, 2015.”

“And you’re here because…?” The nurse flicked through a bunch of papers, and Ophelia caught a flash of her signature at the bottom of one of the many consent forms she’d signed.

She wet her lips. “Vampirism speaks to me,” she bullshitted, though it wasn’t totally a lie. The part where it extended one’s existence indefinitely was absolutely calling her name. The rest of it could fuck off, but if she had to eat a bug then drink blood to make that happen, so be it.

Nurse Crake glanced at her askance like she knew Ophelia was full of shit. Well, at least she wasn’t stupid. She stopped at a door and pushed it open, gesturing for Ophelia to go in.

The room beyond looked like every other doctor’s office she’d ever been in. Padded, papered table, crappy cream and blue wallpaper, a wheeled, stainless steel table, and a little laminate counter area with a tiny sink and canisters of swabs and cotton balls.

“Remove your clothes and put them and the rest of your belongings in here,” Nurse Crake said, handing over a clear plastic drawstring bag with Ophelia’s name scrawled on it. “There’s a gown on the table, ties in the back. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

The door clicked shut behind her, and Ophelia took a deep breath before beginning to undress. Her hands shook as she unbuttoned her slacks and wriggled out of them. Deo. Think about Deo. A visual of the mountainous, gruff blond man flashed across her mind’s eye. The way his stubble glinted on his square jaw, his intense turquoise eyes…

“It doesn’t matter how much time we have together, Phe. We’ll make the most of what we have, and I’ll love you until the end…”

But it did matter. She flicked a hand across her cheek. The thought of growing old while he stayed eternally young—there wasn’t a fucking chance she was going to subject him to mashing up her food and changing her diapers. And he would, damn him. No. This would take all of that off the table. It was the only way they could be together without her fucking mortality hanging over them like a shroud.

She tied the gown and sat on the table, paper crinkling beneath her. Her pulse raced. He was going to be so angry with her, but he’d get over it…right? He always did. And then they could be together forever. With her credentials, whatever tribe she was assigned to would give her a dispensation to work outside the tribal lands.

The mandatory tithe her position at the firm would provide all but guaranteed that. She’d done the research. Save for two she couldn’t track down, every volunteer since the Purge with a high-paying career had returned to their normy lives. Tithing was how the tribes were funded, and her salary was three times what the majority of them made.

Then why are you sweating so much?

Fuck. She raked a hand through her hair. Did it matter? Introspection was pointless and not her jam to begin with. For better or worse, this was happening.

A soft knock sounded at the door, and a moment later it was pushed open. A thin, dark-haired vamp in a lab coat came into the room with another, younger male and Nurse Crake behind them. She carried a stainless steel tray. A crimson velvet cloth covered whatever was on it. She set it by the padded table, then busied herself by the counter.

The dark-haired vamp flipped through her chart, pursing his lips, and pushed up his glasses. The tatuaj beneath them were the same webbed design as Nurse Crake’s and the other vampire’s. Guess there was a tribe of medics.

“Ms. Diamondé,” the dark-haired vamp said. “I’m Doctor Wong, and this is my intern, Louis. He’ll be observing today, unless you have any objection?”

“Nope.” As long as they made her into a vampire, Ophelia didn’t care if they did it on stage and sold tickets.

“Wonderful.” He smiled, the tips of his pointed incisors gleaming. “I apologize for the wait, but in cases such as yours, we like to give the applicants time to fully consider their commitment to our cause.”

Seriously? That’d been some kind of test? Ophelia bit back a snarky retort, the paper drape crinkling beneath her. “Of course.” She smiled back, hoping it looked more genuine than it was. “Completely understandable. However, I am fully committed.”

The doctor nodded, and Nurse Crake took Ophelia’s arm, swabbing it to install a port for an IV. Ophelia winced at the pinch. The woman might not be particularly pleasant, but she was efficient.

“Well, then everything appears to be in order,” the doctor said, flipping through pages as the nurse sent a burst of frigid saline through the IV. Louis scanned the chart over the doctor’s shoulder, reading along with him and taking notes. “I see you’ve completed the first course of religious instruction as well. Highly commendable. Are we ready to proceed?” he asked Crake. At her nod, his eyes flicked to Ophelia.

She swallowed roughly, her mouth dry. “Please.”

Doctor Wong and Nurse Crake exchanged a glance.

“Then lie back to be secured,” the doctor said, reaching for a box of blue gloves on the counter. “The process doesn’t take very long, and as soon as we’ve finished here, you’ll be transported to the applicable tribe’s sect for recovery. That usually takes two to three days, and your reintroduction will be evaluated based on how well you adapt to reanimation.”

Ophelia nodded, fighting a sudden burst of anxiety. The wedding was in a week, and there wasn’t a chance in hell she was missing it. You can do this, Phe.

She lay back, and Nurse Crake moved to her side, pulling thick leather straps from the sides of the table. She buckled them around Ophelia’s torso and forehead, then pulled out others for her arms and wrists.

“For your safety.” Crake smiled, her grin much more predatory than the good doctor’s and about as legitimate as Ophelia’s had been. The nurse filled a hypodermic, then plinked it.

“Ah, what is your preferred orifice?” the doctor asked.

Ophelia started, her gaze fixed on the needle. “What is that?”

“A lethal injection,” he murmured, pushing up his glasses and still scanning her chart. “Where would you prefer the vessel to make entry? It’s not listed here.”

“I-I thought I had to eat it?” Ophelia stammered.

“Any hole will do,” the nurse murmured with a smirk, setting the needle aside to transition the end of the table flat and secure Ophelia’s legs. A slot opened beneath her rear and Crake yanked up the drape leaving Ophelia’s bare ass to dangle.

Her nether regions clenched. She hadn’t— “Mouth. Mouth is fine.”

The doctor grunted and reverently folded back the crimson cloth. He murmured something and made a solemn gesture before lifting a low jar that’d been nestled on a cushion.

Ophelia’s breath sped at the writhing contents, reconsidering all of her life choices. No. She could do this for Deo. For them, for their future.

The doctor shook the jar, sending the churning mass to the bottom before setting it back on the cushion and opening the lid. Decay laced the air. He picked up a pair of long, silver tweezers and plucked out a flailing insect. Its fanged maw gaped as it struggled, twisting and curling up on itself.

“Injection please.”

Nurse Crake jammed the needle into the IV’s port, and a horrible, searing burn sped up Ophelia’s arm. She whimpered at the rush of heat cresting over her, her heart stuttering. Its fluttering beat a mantra: For Deo, for Deo…for Deo…

The doctor held the irate centipede above her. “Waiting for pupil dilation…and open.”

Her lips refused to cooperate.

The doctor frowned and gripped her jaw—

The centipede fell from his grasp and hit Ophelia’s face with a cold, chitinous slap. She recoiled as it flipped, its tiny legs scrabbling to grip her skin. Its length conformed to the contour of her cheek and then skittered sinuously to her nostril. Her arms jerked against her restraints, her head unable to thrash, and a terrible lethargy stealing over her. Heart slowing, her vision grayed, fingers twitching, mind screaming: get it off, get it off, GET IT OFF!

It wriggled into her nasal cavity, clawing into her sinuses, and a garbled moan slipped from her lips. Blinding agony seared across her vision, and she screamed, sharp teeth feasting inside her skull. Her eyes watered. No, it was too hot for tears, the scent of copper thick, cloying the back of her throat. Her pores wept, her skin coated with a slick, sticky film, and the air redolent with the scent of blood.

Nurse Crake licked her lips.

An unnatural numbness bloomed from the bridge of Ophelia’s nose, radiating from her eye sockets, and the rest of her body seized. Foam flecked her lips, her eyes rolling back into her head. A bright, white light shone down for a moment and was ripped away, along with any sense of peace she’d ever felt. Nothing was left but searing, burning, unrelenting pain.

Emotion dissolved beneath it, thoughts a murky haze, her body unresponsive. She was hollow, her mind a void. Empty.

“Very good. It’s taking well. Note the patient has entered rigor. Her sudden pallor coinciding with the sheen of blood-fever and the emergence of the tatuaj around her eyes, there and there…” the doctor said, pointing with his pen, his voice distant and tinny. A godawful cramp went through her body, and a horrific, spattering stench filled the air. “Bowels voided…” He frowned. “Someone didn’t fast as instructed.”

The urge to laugh burbled up Ophelia’s throat, spittle foaming from her mouth. Agony morphed into a bizarre euphoria, her limbs leaden and the feeling of an immense weight crushing down on her. Her heart, still.

Dead.

A wrenching shudder wracked her body as her heart spasmed, once, twice, then sluggishly began to beat again. She strained against the straps pinning her to the table, her chest heaving with the effort.

“Very good,” the doctor murmured.

The room came back into focus, sounds sharper than they should be. The flow of ink from the doctor’s pen as he wrote. Loose strands of Crake’s hair rubbing against one another. The slow scrape of Louis’s blink.

“What the fuck?” Ophelia gasped, her tongue thick and her eyes darting, colors far more vivid than they had been. Bright, everything was too damned bright.

“Welcome back, Ms. Diamondé. Disorientation is a normal side effect of transitioning,” the doctor said absently, busy making notes. “Rest assured, any increased sensitivities you may be experiencing will lessen over the next thirty-six to forty-eight hours as the virus continues the reanimation process.” He stabbed the pen against the clipboard, finished with whatever he was writing, and set it aside with a wide smile. “Now, let’s see where we’ll be sending you, shall we?”

Crake wheeled over a tray. The doctor snugged his gloves before taking a pair of hemostats from the nurse and dipping a wad of gauze into a yellow solution. He dragged it across Ophelia’s brow, then discarded it almost immediately for another, the tiny pad thick with gore.

Ophelia winced at the rough drag of it across her skin. Jesus Chri—

Agony flared through her skull, and she cried out. The doctor hummed above her and swapped out the gauze again. “You need to put a call in to Vesper,” he murmured.

“Vesper?” the nurse spat out behind him, incredulous. “Are you sure?”

“Mmm” he hummed again, swabbing. “The tatuaj are gifted as the Great One wills, and whom are we to judge which tribe she’s been deemed worthy of?”

“But—” Crake pushed forward, her eyes narrowing above pinched lips. “I’ll alert the court.” She scowled and left the room. Louis raced after her, his face white.

“What—what’s happening?” Ophelia lisped, her tongue fumbling against sharp incisors. A terrible thirst had overcome her, making it hard to think. She licked her parched lips, the acrid taste of her own sweat roiling her stomach. Vesper? She couldn’t remember a tribe called Vesper.

“Your transition may have very well just signed the death warrants of everyone who witnessed it,” the doctor said, snapping off his gloves. “Prince Kremlyn suffers no rivals for his concubine’s attentions.”

What? Ophelia’s mind raced. No. She couldn’t be a—Deo. The wedding. She’d left her engagement ring by the sink. That last fight they’d had. He’d think she abandoned him, that she’d run. “No, no. I-I’m not a concubine, I’m an attorney—”

“You are whatever the tatuaj has decreed,” the doctor said firmly, moving to the door. “Someone will be in to take you to seclusion. Whatever call to vampirism you felt, I very much hope it keeps you warm at the citadel. You won’t be leaving it.”

The door shut behind him with an ominous click, and Ophelia’s breath stuttered. The citadel? No, that was impossible. What had she done, what had she done? Oh, God

Agony bloomed through her skull at the word, and she whimpered, tears tracking from the corners of her eyes. The awful reality of her actions crashed down around her, and an insatiable thirst gnawed at her hollowed insides.

The names of the women she couldn’t track down—the two who had disappeared—flitted through her mind, along with a very bad feeling that she’d be joining them.




**Don’t miss the other books in the Star-Crossed Chronicles series!**


Weres and Witchery

Star-Crossed Chronicles Book 1

 

A sassy witch with curves for days stirs up passion with an irresistible alpha shifter.

 

Get it on Amazon

 

 

Wards and Warlocks

Star-Crossed Chronicles Book 2

 

A sassy warlock with oodles of style has sparks fly with an angsty shifter.

 

Get it on Amazon



AK Nevermore enjoys operating heavy machinery, freebases coffee, and gives up sarcasm for Lent every year. A Jane-of-all-trades, she’s a certified chef, restores antiques, and dabbles in beekeeping when she’s not reading voraciously or running down the dream in her beat-up camo Chucks.

Unable to ignore the voices in her head, and unwilling to become medicated, she writes Science Fiction and Fantasy full time.

She pays the bills editing, wielding a wicked hot pink pen and writing a column on SFF. She also belongs to the Authors Guild, is a chapter treasurer for the RWA, teaches creative writing, and on the rare occasion, sleeps.

 

Website * Facebook * X * Instagram * Bluesky * Bookbub * Amazon * Goodreads

 


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Posted in #BookTours

Nerdy Girl Nell

Nerdy Girl Nell
Lindsey Gray
(Nerdy Girl Novels, #2)
Publication date: March 17th 2026
Genres: Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Sports

Nell De Lacy loves small things like story time, a well-stocked bookshelf, and evenings with friends. Relearning how to date after grief was supposed to be the hardest thing.

Enter professional wrestler Chance Robicheaux. Towering, tender, and utterly relentless about keeping her safe. The two become friends first, spending nights learning each other’s quirks. Between hospital rooms and poker nights, the two find something electric and real.

Nell’s life suddenly fractures with a violent assault, a cache of stolen images, and a blackmailer who won’t be denied. As the threat tightens and the press draws near, Nell’s voice, literally and figuratively, fails her at the worst possible time.

With the De Lacy family company’s December board vote approaching, Nell faces a critical challenge that threatens to upend her life. The outcome of the vote carries the risk of awarding a coveted contract to the wrong people, forcing Nell to balance family loyalty, legal danger, and a secret that could change everything.

Nell and Chance’s is a story about rebuilding, of finding courage in therapy and friendship, and discovering there’s strength in asking for help. Nell’s fight becomes Chance’s fight, and soon they choose to fight evil together. Will justice arrive before the quiet she loves is gone forever?

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EXCERPT:

“This honey pot just got a whole lot sweeter.” Chance Robicheaux licked his lips and tossed in a few plastic chips. The cards in his hand were the best he’d held the entire night.
He peered around the table of friends as they partook in their newly minted Wednesday poker night. Rob Breyer, Chance’s closest friend and wrestling tag team partner, concentrated on his hand. Rob’s girlfriend, Emma MacLean, rolled her eyes at Chance’s comment, then winked at him when she glanced his way. The dealer and his new sidekick, Seamus De Lacy, took a sip of his drink while the rest of the players made their decisions.
Chance’s eyes landed on the last member of the table; he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from moaning. Emma’s roommate, Nell De Lacy, stared at him with a slight look of awe mixed with determination, which he found fucking irresistible. The woman had driven him mad since their first meeting over a bowl of potato salad to his crotch. No matter what the situation, one glimpse of Nell, her auburn hair in those cute as hell space buns and perfectly pouty lips, had him hard in three seconds flat.
“I fold.” Rob placed his cards on the table and slumped in his chair.
“I’ve got nothing.” Emma tossed in her cards, then slid her arm around Rob’s shoulders. “This isn’t our night.”
Chance lifted his eyes to Nell’s. “What about you, Nell?”
The corner of Nell’s lips that Chance spent hours fantasizing about curled upward. “I’ll see you.” She tossed in enough to match Chance’s bet. “And I’ll raise you.” She counted out the rest of her chips and placed them in the pot.
Chance could tell she was confident about the hand she possessed. She had her tells as much as anyone else did. The smirk she wielded always made him pull out of the game. Not tonight, though. She’d gone all in, but he’d go a bit more.
“All right.” He determined the required chips to call but decided to raise to find out what she had to offer.
“You can’t do that!” Her confidence turned to anger.
“I sure can. I’m willing to make a deal if you think your hand is still as worthy as it was a moment ago.” Chance’s heart thumped in his chest while he stared her down, praying she would give in.
“What kind of deal?” she asked.
Chance grabbed the pad of paper and pen beside him and wrote down what he wanted. He slid it to her.
She picked it up and read his chicken scratch. “This…” The words clogged her throat as heat moved up to color her face.
“You place that in the pot. I win; you deliver. You win; you can rip it up.”
Nell opened and closed her mouth, then pressed her plump lips in a firm line. She pushed the slip across the table. “I call. Show me what you’ve got.”
Chance peered into her brilliant emerald eyes as he laid each card down one by one. Her face paled. “Royal flush.”
“Damn,” she murmured, and she laid her cards down face up.
“Full House. Not bad, but not good enough tonight.” Chance licked his lips in anticipation of his winnings.
Emma glanced between the two. “What did he win?”
Nell placed her palms on the table, her cheeks tinged pink. “A kiss.”

Author Bio:

Lindsey Gray is a writer, an over-thinker, and a chronic list-maker, but her passion for writing stories you’ll love always tops the list. Her author journey began in 2010 with the publication of her first novel, and she has spent the last decade creating worlds for readers to play in. In addition to her own work, Gray utilizes her skills formatting novels for other authors and hosts the weekly show, Gray Matters, on TMV Cafe Internet Radio. She lives and writes fueled by iced tea, her handsome hubby, and the beautiful chaos of mothering her children.

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / X / Instagram / Threads / TikTok / BlueSky / StoryGraph


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Posted in Cozy Mysteries

Canyons, Caravans, & Cadavers

(A Camper & Criminals Cozy Mystery Series Book 6)

SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY WITH A SMIDGEN OF HOMICIDE

USA Today Bestselling author Tonya Kappes brings you southern and quirky characters in her mystery series. Her stories are charged with humor, friendship, family and life in small southern towns.

Welcome to Normal, Kentucky where NOTHING is normal.

When the principal of Normal High School asks Mae West to teach a semester on small town economics, since she helped bring the thriving economy in Normal, Kentucky when she used her brilliant ideas to bring the Happy Trails Campground back to life.

Mae is thrilled and happy to teach the young people. But when a fellow teacher and archery Coach Roger Carlson, is found stone-cold dead, facedown in one of Happy Trails Campground campers with an arrow sticking out of his back, it puts a damper on the thriving campground when tourists cancel their reservations and Mae’s excitement to teach.Mae’s hankering to snoop into the coach’s private life and find out exactly why he was renting a camper in Happy Trails and not living at home with his young wife.

Her efforts don’t leave her short on suspects. Especially, since Mae uncovered many unhappy parents who had relied on an archery scholarship and perfect ACT scores as their child’s ticket to get out of Normal and go to college. Mae has to be careful or she just might find an arrow with her name written on it.

Posted in #BookTours

Land of Two Moons


Political unrest, war over valuable mines, forbidden love, and a homesick dragon bound in chains threaten the land of two moons.


Land of Two Moons

by D.L. Gardner

Genre: YA Epic SciFi Fantasy Adventure



“The gritty reality of trench warfare and the smoky chaos of riots is striking in D. L. Gardner’s Land of Two Moons…a rich and ambitious fantasy novel that successfully builds a world trembling on the brink of magical and political upheaval. This is a delicate, intricate novel that rewards patient reading.” – Independent Book Review

 

Arthur and Hallie are twin siblings, son and daughter of the Duke of Lodesmoor. Humble teenagers who befriend the village people and sympathize with their grievances. Their father, Lord Balmier, whose duchy is approaching financial collapse, uses his subjects as pawns in a battle over a string of valuable mines.

Lord Balmier sees his son’s sympathy toward the serfs as an alliance against him and soon acts to squelch Arthur’s sedition.

Hallie clings to a forbidden love, and both siblings must resist their father’s harsh rule.

All the while they are unaware that their mother keeps a mystical dragon named Killian, bound in chains by a spell, whose fate will affect them all.

As the twin moons approach a rare and magical eclipse, alliances shift, secrets unravel, and Arthur and Hallie must choose between loyalty, freedom, and sacrifice to save their people and themselves.

 

“With strong pacing and a cast of memorable characters – including a homesick dragon, this is the perfect book for fans of the ‘fantasy’ genre. Highly recommended!” – The Wishing Shelf

 

 

***Check out the kickstarter campaign!**

 

Amazon * B&N * Books2Read





Land of Two Moons will be a limited edition leather hardcover signed and numbered, a special edition case laminate hardcover, an eBook, and a paperback with printed edges. A rigid slip case is available for the hardcovers. 

 

***Check out the kickstarter campaign!**




Prologue

     Pattin didn’t know what they were fighting for. All he knew was that when their commander yelled the order he was to let loose his arrows toward another trench opposite theirs somewhere in the Red Sands desert. Rumor was they were fighting over mines, dukes, power, and money. Nothing he’d ever be privy to. It didn’t matter. He was here because he’d been conscripted.

He’d been in this trench for nine days straight. Hot, drenched in sweat, sick to his stomach, and with little to eat or drink. Tired of swatting flies and stepping over the bodies of his comrades, he was ready to leave. No one wanted to be here, especially not the lads from Bidsworth, and especially not on the front lines.

He spat the dust out of his mouth and bit another piece of jerky.

“When is she going to come for us?” he asked his friend.

“Tonight, they said. Maybe,” Ivan whispered.

“What do you mean, maybe? She promised.”

“She can only take five at a time.”

“Bloody Marks, she’s been here every night for a week. What’s she going to do, get everyone but us? The more people who leave, the less chance of survival for those who stay. I’m too young to die in this rat hole.”

Ivan shrugged—a hint that he wasn’t happy about the situation either.

“We could try and make a run for it on our own,” Pattin whispered, his lips barely moving, glancing around the desolate countryside.

Over the sand, the heat waves danced, crafting a mirage of water, a deceptive illusion that only a fool would pursue. Bait for the enemy. Pattin licked his lips, wishing for a drink of cool water from the springs in Bidsworth, his homeland, a wealthy duchy whose stone structures mirrored the color of the red earth. Here in the wasteland, iron ore poisoned the vegetation, and there was nothing but dust as far as the horizon. The soldiers hated this place, and rumors of desertion were burning the ears of the agents at base. The officers were watching the troops like hawks.

“Fool. We’d have bolts in our backs, dead. Is that what you want? If I’m going to desert, I’m doing it with Kezia.” Ivan wiped the sweat from his brow; his face caked with red earth. Even his eyelashes were laden with dirt.

“What makes her so special that she can get us out with no one noticing?”

Ivan snickered and glared at him. “She’s the duke’s daughter, remember? Plus, she’s smart, crafty, and wicked.”

“Duke sabotages his own army through his daughter!” Pattin mumbled.

“Stop complaining or she’ll never come and get you.”

Pattin wiped his brow, his mouth fixed in a frown. She might not come for him at all. It’s everyone else’s luck to be saved by a duchess.

“Heads up!” The dreaded warning arrived just as a flurry of bolts blotted out the sun.

Pattin covered his head with his shield. Ivan lifted his own targe to cover his body while the plummeting projectiles thundered on it.

“Move!” came the command.

Like a terrified beetle, Pattin crouched on the ground and joined the others, locking his shield with Ivan’s as the company crawled through the trench, hands and knees bleeding, while avoiding the corpses of friends who didn’t survive. Away from the onslaught they moved, abandoning their supplies. Someone would be sent back for them when the sun settled on the horizon and the two moons rose.

Soon everyone here would have to leave the trenches and charge at the enemy. That was a standard maneuver, and it was just a matter of time. Hand to hand combat would kill him, Pattin was certain. With practiced ease, he could loose an arrow, always striking the mark. But his end would come by the cold steel of a sword. He hoped it would be tomorrow. He wasn’t ready to die today.

Maybe Kezia would draw his name and come for him tonight. Maybe he would live through this bloody war, after all.





D.L. Gardner is an award-winning author, artist, filmmaker, and screenwriter with over 28 published works to her credit. Writing and painting are her passions and fantasy her forte. When she’s not pounding keys on the computer, she’s canning salsa, picking apples, listening to the voices of critters in the woods, or watching flowers grow. She loves visiting far-off lands through books by both reading and writing.

 

Her genres include all fantasy, historical, and mystery.

 

Get to know D.L. through her websites and blogs or send her a message her on Kickstarter.

 

Currently a FINALIST (2025 March) in the Cannes World Wide Film Festival for her screen adaption of her book An Unconventional Mr. Peadlebody.

 

Other awards include Wishing Shelf book Award 2023 for audio, B.R.A.G. Award 2022 for the Cho Nisi series, Book Excellence Award 2019 and 2015 for Ian’s Realm and Cassandra’s Castle. Best Screenplay adaptation from her book Dylan at the Paris Screenplay Awards, Mile Hill International Screenplay Awards, L.A. Edge Awards, European Cinematography Awards, and Moondance Film Festival. Best Screenplay Award for adaptation from her book An Unconventional Mr. Peadlebody at Veers Film Festival, Best Screenplay Award for adaptation of Ian’s Realm at the Twin Falls Sandwiches Film Festival and many more.

  

Website * Newsletter * Facebook * Instagram * Bookbub * Goodreads



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